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Girls Rock This section is for all the ladies in the house. If the guys don't stay out we will make it private for you.

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Old 05-05-2009, 04:07 PM   #1
redbeardsolelady
 
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Oil change

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Quick Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last
oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee..

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.



Money spent:

Oil Change:

$30.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $31.00
==========

Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
$50.00.

2) Stop and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine....

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and
twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes.. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash
can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.



20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag
used to clean drain plug... Slip with crescent wrench tightening
drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between
knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit..

26) Throw crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit old sports trophy.

28) Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any
missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car...

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence...

38) Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail..

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.



Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
Beer: $20.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00

00Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
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Old 05-05-2009, 04:51 PM   #2
redbeard
costume time.
 
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Old 05-05-2009, 04:52 PM   #3
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I thought you might enjoy that!!!
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Old 05-05-2009, 06:56 PM   #4
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Does phloop have experience in that area.
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Old 05-05-2009, 08:12 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redbeard View Post
Is that guilt talking?
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Old 05-05-2009, 08:45 PM   #6
redbeard
costume time.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shorty View Post
Is that guilt talking?
no not guilt, some people just dont know the satisfaction of a job well done.
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Samimog,
50 pounds of parts crammed on a 10 pound rig

wish me luck

co-owner mega camper

www.facebook.com/2tribesevents
PIE

WTSS forever
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